Dear Special Needs Mama who feels Heartbroken..

Dear special needs mama who feels heartbroken,

This is an emotional journey. It’s not one I would have chosen, in fact in my case it’s one that I knew would be too much for me. I knew that it was more than I could handle.  When we were filling out paperwork for our adoption, I didn’t select special needs situations.  I didn’t think I could handle it.

You know that saying that God doesn’t give you more than you can handle… yes that saying is completely not true.

If you’ve been heartbroken through the worry of what if something is different with my baby and in getting a diagnosis.

If you’ve been broken in navigating a new language (SLP, OT, PT) and the many medical terms you’ve learned along the way.

If this wasn’t how you thought motherhood would be.

You’ve fought your way to get your child in with therapists that might help. You’ve fought your way to get your child help in school and you’ve won and you’ve lost. And you are battle scarred…

If you thought parenting wouldn’t be this tough. The sleepless nights, early wake-ups, food battles, clothing issues and everyday tasks becoming your biggest challenges.

If you’ve been living life so precise in order to try to maintain some level of peace.

If you’ve been carrying the weight of the mess of every day.

The meltdowns. The yelling. The hitting. The biting.

Finding out that your heart hurts more than you ever knew it could.

If you’ve been making it to endless therapy appointments that may or may not help.

And struggling to get through the day.

It’s ok to feel broken. It’s ok that this is tough. It’s ok to be angry.

It’s ok to wonder where God is in the midst of this and it’s ok to not know.

I’m right there too. I’m in the thick of it. I’m wondering where and if change will ever happen. I’ve done everything I can as a Mom.

Every night, as her eyes close and her little self finally settles down to sleep. I see her peace. But more than anything love overwhelms me. I was just what she needed.  I was what she needed even though I thought special needs would be more than I can handle.  I’m not perfect and this has broken me to pieces but she needs all of me. And she’ll take me broken.

In all the hard and the difficult and the broken there’s a peace to this. There’s something more than meltdowns and challenges here. I don’t even really know what it is yet.

But, I’ve learned to not give up no matter what. No matter how I feel and even when I feel like I can’t go on.

Despite the brokenness, this journey has changed me for the better. It’s changed my heart.

I’ve found my place in this brokenness. To be broken and overwhelmed with love all at the same time.

And you will find your place too.
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8 thoughts on “Dear Special Needs Mama who feels Heartbroken..

  1. Full Spectrum Mama

    I didn’t even breathe while I was reading this. Our family, too, was formed by adoption and we’ve encountered struggles I could not have imagined (and I’m not even talking about my son; he and I are more central to this SPD series)!
    I see and share your broken heart – and I can tell yours is a VERY big one!
    Beautiful post.

    Reply
  2. Mel Jones

    The real meaning of ‘unconditional love’ and all the compassion in the world! Big hugs, feel your pain, the bigger picture is out there but we only need to deal with today….until we have the occasional days where we are blessed with such vision, not always bad, just reenergized to keep fighting for our children….❤️

    Reply
  3. carol

    It’s like your right here going through it with us. Your words reflect my life and I’m sure so many others. What perfect timing in my life to have happened across your sweet “letter”. Thank you!!

    Reply
  4. Carrie

    We adopted also and yes, we too did not sign up for special needs because I didn’t think I could handle it either. And yet our son was destined to be in our family and I know we needed each other. We’re fresh to his SPD diagnosis and I’m just drowning in the struggle and the challenges and the bone-deep weariness each day brings. But gosh I love him so insanely deeply there’s nothing that can stop me from searching for the best tools to help him and to just keep trying my best with him each day. I so so needed these words today. From my heart- thank you.

    Reply
  5. Leisa Watts

    Thank you so much for this quote! I cried as I read it, I didn’t realize how much I needed to hear these words until I read this quote.
    This is truly the first time I feel like someone truly understands what is in my heart and what I deal with daily!

    Reply
  6. Kelly

    I cried while reading this post too. ” I’m not perfect and this has broken me to pieces but she needs all of me. And she’ll take me broken.” I’m disappointed in myself and how I handle things sometimes. I needed to hear this.

    Reply

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