I know your heart to have the most perfect Christmas, to have a magical holiday filled with laughter, joy and treats. I know that you are disappointed not just with Christmas but this life. This life wasn’t what you had planned and I know it’s hard to adjust to that.
I see you trying in the middle of your child’s meltdowns and rages to hold it together. To make their world better, to calm them down. I know the pain you feel when everything you do doesn’t seem to make anything better and you hold it all in. You hold your pain and your misery over this in.
Most around you point their finger and blame that this is your fault. They don’t see the differences your child has. They don’t see how you exhaust yourself trying solution after solution. They don’t see how you’ve exhausted all your faith and hope that something, anything is going to make this better. Better for you and better for your child.
I now that for Christmas what you want most this year is peace. Any amount of peace for your heart and your home. I know that you are desperate for this in the middle of living in the toughest thing you have ever gone through.
I know that it feels like it’s never going to end, I know that it feels like there is no one there to help. I know that you sometimes feel like giving up.
I also know that you don’t and won’t give up, because you can’t.
You are needed.
You give endlessly with little in return.
You take every blow emotionally and physically… quietly without a sound.
You move through life carefully hoping that it will prevent explosions only to have them explode when you least expect. Take a deep breath…you’ve got this.
Dear Mom, I know that you can let go.
I know that you can let go of all the Holiday expectations and completely adjust the holidays to fit your precious one.
I know that you can let go of all that anger you hold inside.
I know that you can let go of all the bitterness and hurt you hold in your heart.
I know that letting go of all these things can make room for you to melt into the moment.
The perfect moment of your child sleeping soundly, the joy on their face as they open their present.
The moment of them snuggling in and needing comfort.
Be fully in those moments and don’t let go. Let them fill your heart this holiday season. You need them.
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