What if I am wrong about all this?
What if it’s just me?
I don’t know if you are like me at all but these questions weigh heavily on me. I have never spent a lot of time around children. And I have a lot of insecurity regarding “normal” child behavior. We also have been gifted one and only one child, so I have nothing to compare this to. This is my one.
What if this is all really just normal? What if it’s just that I suck at parenting?
Today, I volunteered to help my daughter’s class go bowling at the bowling alley. Now there were groups that were much calmer than mine. Mine seemed to be rather rambunctious. Miss S fit right in. She wasn’t even the most challenging one of the day.
Seeing that, it makes me doubt and question everything. I know she appears typical in public and at school. They see nothing different or troubling. She’s even on track academically.
It boils up all this insecurity as a mom. What if it’s all my fault? What if it’s just me?
Do you ever wonder that? Do you ever feel that doubt creep in? As moms, we often walk a tough road of insecurities and doubts. With special needs we wonder what we did or where we went wrong?
Our daughter’s first therapist told me many times that this wasn’t my fault. I didn’t make her this way. I needed to hear that, I still do. Maybe you do to?
It’s not your fault that your child was born with challenges. There is nothing you could have done to prevent this or change it. You are exactly what they needed as a mom, even though you feel like you are failing. You are the mom they need.
We are just fighting to survive, my thoughts are that if you are thinking that, like I am, that this is not normal parenting. That this isn’t just you. Just because it only happens at your house means that your child knows they are safe there. They love you despite the anger they show you at home.
There is more than anger going on. There is more than challenges. There are physical abnormalities in the brain that hinder your child from typical life, enjoying childhood and connecting to this world.
It’s not just you, even though it might be just you that sees them in their worst moments.
It is also you that gets up every day to love your child fiercely through every meltdown and battle. It’s also you who may fight the school for help for your child that they see is normal but you know deep down your child needs all the help they can get.
Despite all the challenges and doubts you may have, your love for child is what wins daily. It’s what drives you and keeps you going. Don’t give up. It is not just you. It is not your fault. You aren’t wrong about it all. You are probably one of the best parents around because you’ve had to overcome more challenges than typical parents. One day you will fully realize what you’ve overcome and you will know how glad you are you didn’t give in to thinking that this is all “normal.”