I’ve written about the magical days and something I wish to find the words to write about more are the not so magical days. It’s a hard thing to even think about writing on.
The hard days.
There seems to be no way around them.
The only way is through them and it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done.
The perpetual meltdowns (not just typical by the way the aggressive kind), the attitude, the constant arguing, the dysfunction, the lack of engagement and attending. I just get so exhausted. These hard days usually start earlier than the normal 4 o’clock wake up Miss Sensory usually has. And they usually start with screaming. And it just doesn’t end all day long. Whether it’s her telling me she wants a snack but not the snack options I offered her or her throwing the iPad.
It’s like nothing clicks.
Days like today lately I try to get her to reset, because so often a change of scenery or a big sensory activity like swimming will help flip the switch. But today, that wasn’t the case. 2 hours at the beach and it didn’t get any better, in fact today I think it just got worse. It’s the most exhausting thing, trying to be supermom and then getting yelled by Miss Sensory because she tells me I’m not being nice to her…when my whole world centers on her. Everything I do is for her.
I feel like a failure. I was ready to lose it!
So I put myself in time out. Miss Sensory had gotten the iPad and I could hear her playing so I grabbed the laptop and went to my room to write this all out. I feel defeated. Lost and without hope. (This is one of those real life moments, I think we all feel this way at some point during our parenting right?).
This weekend we leave to travel for outstate therapy, at the Star Center in Denver, Colorado. Kind of a big deal. I will be writing more on it as we go. I am hoping for more answers. I am looking for more hope and more help. We have exhausted everything in our home state so we sought out more specialized treatment. This was a decision a year in the making. We will be spending 4 weeks having daily (sometimes multiple times a day) appointments and hoping to pinpoint some more of Miss Sensory’s challenges.