In case you’ve wondered where I’ve been over the past two months, I’m back today to tell you. I’m still here… barely.
You know that one person in your life who has an amazing connection with your unique child, may not have all the answers but listens to you when you are at the end of knowing what to do and feel like you can’t go on.
That person has been my Mom.
At the beginning of February my mom was diagnosed with cancer. Losing my Mom has been one of my biggest fears in my life. She has been the one who has helped me through our parenting journey and I don’t know how I would have made it through all these years of aggression without her.
That day in February forever changed my life. What proceeded was something my family could never have imagined. We ran to doctors everywhere, meanwhile we struggled to take care of my now immobile Mom. My mom went from an active busy life to having almost 4 of us home with her at all times trying to take care of her care needs.
She was the picture of health, she exercised and she ate the best food (home grown, including the chicken).
The day we had to hospitalize my mom, one of her biggest concerns, was what I would tell Miss S. She cried as she said she was hoping to be her Grandma for a really long time
In just a few short weeks, we were sitting in a hospital for days, as we waited for her final breathe.
It’s something that still feels like a bad dream.
I can’t believe it is real.
I whispered to my Mom that we would be OK. That her granddaughter (Miss S) would be OK.
Right now we are still trying to find the ground beneath us. It has changed me in ways I never expected and has turned my life upside down. I hope to find words to write again.
I always worried how I would handle something bigger in our already crisis life. The past two months has shown me how much more I can handle, how much parenting a child with special needs has equipped me to handle life’s toughest storms. The years of communicating with doctors, medical professionals and insurance prepared me for the past two months.
So, to you weary mom who is in the middle of parenting and feels like you can’t go on. You never know what your journey is teaching you and how it is equipping you. When you are in the middle of it, it seems so dark and isolating.
Being thrown into a bigger storm has showed me that all my years of feeling like I was barely making it through was really strengthening me.
Hold on tight, it’s a wild ride and believe me you get stronger everyday!