In the midst of the beautiful flowers and gifts for mom on Mother’s Day, I’m more aware of the hurt going on inside of Mom’s. Don’t get me wrong, I love celebrating my mom on Mother’s Day. I love the look on her face when she gets flowers and how she feels so lucky to be a mom.
But, for me, Mother’s Day is a muddy path of mixed emotions. I think of Mom’s who thought they would be Mother’s by now. I know from experience, there was the Mother’s Day where I thought I would have been a Mom. Two months prior we were scheduled to be bringing home a baby boy. That adoption was disrupted and the experts compare it to a miscarriage. Which is what it felt like and still feels like years later. Loss, grief, and a part of me missing.
There was the Mother’s Day where all I could think of is my daughter’s biological Mom. How can I celebrate when I know the pain that she carries? I walked with her through one of the toughest days of her life. Placing a newborn baby, she carried for 9 months, in my arms and leaving her arms empty. I felt the pain of the decision she had to make. I felt the grief that she chose to carry. And I feel that on every Mother’s Day.
I think of Mom’s who have had to bury their baby’s.
I think of Mom’s who long for more children.
I think of Mom’s who are alone and who are exhausted.
I think of Mom’s parenting challenging kids. Kids who have behavior challenges and every day with them is a fight for survival. I think of Mom’s who in the midst of challenging kids feel like they aren’t enough, feel like they can’t do anything to help their kids, feel like there’s no hope. I think of mom’s who struggle to find the joy in the midst of being a mom with challenging kids.
I think of Mom’s parenting special needs kids. Who are grieving what their kids might not do, or how they differ from typical kids. Or even grieving what you as a Mom can’t do because of your child’s needs. I think of mom’s who are overwhelmed by the care needs of their child. Who fight for getting their child the help they need.
I think of Mom’s on mother’s day who are surrounded by celebration but inside are wounded and wondering if they will ever feel like celebrating Mother’s day. I think of them, because I’ve been them. I’ve been the Mom who wonder’s what’s wrong with them as a mom.
So to you dear mom on Mother’s Day though you be surrounded by celebration, I’m celebrating you.
I’m celebrating in your deepest agonies and how you have survived.
I’m celebrating in your daily struggles and how you’ve overcame.
I’m celebrating the days when all you can do is cry, because dear mom, that is a cause for celebration.
I’m celebrating how you have walked through life carrying more hurt then you were meant to carry and how you have not buckled under the weight.
And the reality of it all, is that I’m right there too. I’m needing to celebrate what I’ve survived and weight that I have carried.
You are more than just a mom, you are the reason to celebrate.